Love the journey

I'm fairly certain one of my favorite side hobbies is mentally ******* with myself....A competitors life is filled with ups and downs. Moments that feel like you're on top of the world, followed by "where's the shovel I'm ready to dig my hole." This process is continually teaching me to fight, believe and to keep growing towards my goals....Literally! My thighs are thick as **** and my shoulders and arms are about to blow right out of my shirts. I've hated this feeling.Hated that I have to struggle to get into my clothes and just how I "feel" in my skin. Which, over the course of the last 6 years I've taught myself to be kind and to love myself.. This has been a huge lesson and a gigantic struggle. Before prep and competing I weighed between 136-138 and felt great! I think because I was just comfortable with the way that number looked back at me..My lowest during my final cut for prep was 129. I remember I had the coolest and sickest feeling inside.. I even took a picture because I thought "wow" that number looks cool!! Why as women do we let that number determine our pass or fail? Why have we decided that, that number makes us "skinny or fat?" I'm just as guilty.. I've been hiding from my current weight for weeks now, because I've allowed that number to define me in a negative way. I've been telling myself that I'm failing in my off season. But, I'm not. Yes, I weigh the most I have in years.. 151lbs..Craziest thing ever.Muscle apparently weighs more than fat.. And somehow even though I've got some thick thighs.. A person can wear size 2 at 129lb and at 151lb..Mind blown! I love competing because it mentally and physically challenges me. I also love that it's teaching me to share with others that may be fighting similar battles. As a trainer one of the things I preach is to love ourselves no matter what!! This body we have, is a one time deal. It's a gift. We must learn to love the journey and to love ourselves no matter what.

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