I'm literally just in the first days of getting back into the gym after some considerable time, but overall I have been active through the most part of my life and have lifted here and there through out the years, but for the last 15 years, I have had the same thought of knowing that I want to compete in bodybuilding competitions... but life, along with fear and not having the confidence to actually get up on stage in front of others got in the way of my goal that I feel so strong about that I need to achieve.... this is not something that I have always "wanted".... it's something that I have always "needed". A current tragic loss in my life led me to "need" this to happen in my life right now. It's the only one option that is a part of who I have been for so long, that is being handed to me, as a way to get through life and to find myself again. If I only knew all those years when I kept trying and stopping and disappointing myself... that THERE WAS A REASON I WAS NOT MEANT TO GO THROUGH THIS BACK THEN....BECAUSE I NEED IT SO VERY MUCH NOW.