I found Bodybuilding.com back in 2004 - I had hit an all time low - I was way over weight - my ex had sent me a dear john email from Iraq saying he didn't want to be married any longer - I had three young kids - my life was a mess. So - I started going to the gym. I started with Cardio - it was all I knew - was so hard to pull my self through those doors and workout being so over weight with all these young in shape guys. I was able to use it for free which was good since I couldn't afford a gym at the time. I believe I was close to 250 at the time - I started in February - slowly learning how to do more than just cardio - I found bodybuilding.com and I used all of the information on there to transform myself - by November I was down to 137lbs - best shape of my life - my ex was totally jealous!

I managed to maintain and keep all this off until 2012 - that was a hard year - and instead of turning to the gym - my workouts got less and less and my eating and drinking became more and more. I would have stints of getting my **** back together but that would only last a month or so - and well - here I am again back where I swore I would never be - I haven't weighted myself yet - but I am pretty sure I am around 245 - ugh - what a depressing feeling - but you know what - I am determined. I think the issue for me is that I relied on everyone else's programs and what they said was right - but every time I take the time to do my research and plan it usually do my best. I have learned that not all programs are one size fit all - and after dishing out so much money and not accomplishing what I wanted - I am back to square one - which is good - it is - I know how to do this - I can do this - and I will do this. I am better than this and I will succeed!

For me - the gym is a stress reliever - why I don't go everyday and makes excuses - I don't know - lazy - routine - let others talk me out of it - I talk me out of it - but the crazy thing is - that when I go I feel good - even as heavy as I am now - I know how good it is for me to go and just feel good! I have to be persistent and do my thing. I live with my boyfriend now and he is part of my problem - but only because I allow it - I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions - and well - my decision is to be the best me I can - and I will be back in the gym full time - working my ass off - making progress - and winning that goal! It's ME vs. ME - I am my own worst enemy!