In 2013 I entered a fitness challenge because I was tired living in an unattractive prison of my own making. I learned to love working out, especially lifting weights and doing fun runs. I started at 5'2" 166lbs. I lost 41lbs and gained beautiful, strong muscles. I felt absolutely incredible.
Unfortunately, after the contest ended, I began to fear that I wouldn't be able to maintain my results or improve upon them. That's when IT happened...I, a lifelong warrior against my own anorexia, let the beast roam free from it's cage.
You see, eating disorders? They aren't like other addiction based diseases. For example, with alcoholism, the beast (the alcohol and situations where it is encountered) can be locked away in a cage. I'm not saying it's easy, but you and your friends and family can chose to help you avoid encountering the alcoholism beast. BUT with anorexia and other eating disorders, the beast must be set free from it's cage, taken for a jaunt and locked away again at least 3 times a day....with precision, order and control.
I had been so very careful with the beast. I exercised precision, order and control. It seemed the beast was tamed and I began allowing it to accompany me in all things...until I realized that the beast was the one controlling me with order and precision! So I shoved it back in it's cage (along with precision, order and control), locked the cage and threw away the key.
So, I went from total control to zero control. Here I am today, 5'2" 171lbs and completely ready to be a success story. I choose to believe that I can find balance in control...that I can be honest, beautiful, healthy, fit & strong. Get ready, it might not be pretty!