A little bit about me!

Growing up, I was always involved in athletics and never had a weight issue. It slowly changed over time as I found myself being easily influenced by outside pressures as well as the pressure I put on myself to fit a certain mold. My disordered eating first began in high school when I ran track and cross country competitively. I started to see myself get thinner, and as a result, I was able to run faster. This began my desire to continue to get as thin as possible so I could be as competitive as possible for my sport. I was actually pretty oblivious to the fact that I was malnourished during this time. All the girls I knew who were successful at track and cross country were thin - I wanted to be the best I could be, which I thought involved being as light as possible. Soon, people in my life such as my parents and friends started to notice my weight loss and lack of proper nutrition. I was told to start take note of what I was eaingt - I was barely hitting 1400 calories while running 7 plus miles per day.

It was a process to gain weight during that time and very mentally hard for me. However, I was able to regain quite a bit of the weight and actually have more success in track than I originally had – but eating habits lingered. I was not eating enough for my activity level and started to struggle with binges as a result of my restrictive eating patterns. At the end of high school, I suffered an injury in high school that left me unable to run for several months. That is when I discovered weight lifting and fell in love with the empowered feeling I received from the strength gains I was seeing.

I quit track after some complications with my injury and a bout of sickness following my injury. My disordered eating patterns were worse than ever. I wanted to build muscle, but I also wanted to live up to societies standards of beauty and be as thin as possible. That was never in the cards for me - my body always has been strong and carried a significant amount of muscle stemming from my early involvement in athletics. I was also striving for something very unrealistic. Women are not meant to be what others tell them to be - women should be whatever they want. Why do muscles make a female manly? Personally I think it is beautiful and demonstrates a dedication to strength – in addition to taking care of our health and well-being.

Throughout college, I was in the weight room consistently at least 5 days per week. However, I still struggled with ups and downs in my diet and the constant battle between eating "clean", which involved no sugar, no bread, very limited food options - and horrible binges that resulted from my feelings of deprivation. I was also doing two sessions of cardio per day in order to make up for my binges. I was tired, moody, hormonal - and constantly upset with myself for not sticking to my plan. The more I deprived myself, the worse my binges became. Soon, it became a habit and I could not go a week without binging. I remember thinking at one point during my college years - I WISH I could make it two whole weeks without binging. I never thought I would be able to overcome my ups and downs.

I dreamed of competing in bodybuilding one day - my track coach was a figure competitor and I thought it was a beautiful physique. However, I had this idea in my head that I would not be able to do that without following a strict six meal per day / two cardio session plan.

I had bouts of success where I was able to lose 20lbs fast from a low calorie, excessive cardio plan. However, my rebounds were worse than my weight loss. My problem was not weight loss, it was weight maintenance.

I finally was so frustrated and discouraged that I thought, there HAS to be an alternative to this. I soon came across Layne Norton's YouTube channel and his videos on reverse dieting, metabolic damage and iifym or flexible dieting. My perspectives on training & nutrition were forever changed.

Soon, I discovered that I did not have to deprive myself of the foods I loved the most. I could fit them into my daily macros - or macronutrients (protein, fats, and carbs). Soon, I started tracking my food in an app on my phone and holding myself accountable to my diet. I stopped labeling emotions to food as good or bad and started seeing food for what it is - FUEL. Flexible dieting was a process to change to for me - but my binges became less and less as I started to incorporate the foods that I craved the most into my diet. I stopped the excessive cardio, stopped believing that heavy squats & deadlifts would make me bulky- and completely changed my training and nutrition philosophy. Sustainability and consistency became the name of the game.

In order to accomplish my goals, I started to fuel my workouts - and lift heavy. Lifting heavy is what builds muscle! I was never fueling my body properly in order to build the muscle I desired. I focused on the long term and stopped focusing on short cuts and quick results. Extreme plans may show results fast - but they do not last. I wanted sustainability and I wanted to have my fitness journey add to my life - not detract from it.

In the spring of 2014, I was fortunate to be able to meet and train with my current coach Layne Norton. We started a slow cut in order to step on the figure stage later that year and hopefully compete in powerlifting. My cut was slow and sustainable as well - we never cut any food groups and the lowest my calories ever reached was around 1700 calories to get stage lean. We never did more than two days of hit cardio per week. The reason I had so much success and I was able to adhere 100 percent to my plan is because it was something I could see myself doing long term.

With the implementation of powerlifting training, I found myself enjoying training and focusing on something other than just what I saw in the mirror. I was focusing on my performance in the gym as well - which was such a sense of freedom and empowerment as I went through prep.

There were absolutely days that I thought about quitting - but to be honest, they were few and far between. I struggled more with those thoughts when I was battling binge after binge. That was disheartening - to feel deprived and frustrated with inconsistencies. But once I started to follow a plan that was sustainable and able to be a part of my life - I found discouragement as a far less frequent occurrence. Of course, everyone who goes on a journey in their life and strives for excellence will have doubts and face struggles. However, as my coach Layne has said many times in the past - it is never failure if you never quit. Those who have success do not face fewer battles - they just find the tenacity to continue.

I compete in both powerlifting and figure, I truly love both! However, I would say my number one love is training. I have been an athlete as long as I can remember so the athletic performance of powerlifting is what gives me the most enjoyment. I would have to say that I like powerlifting slightly more for that reason, it’s just you vs. the weight. Not much subjectivity to the sport. However, I do love the femininity and challenge of figure, it takes a different type of mindset and training. I love the constant strife to improve myself in both sports, either with how much weight I am lifting or sculpting my physique through hard work each day. With that being said, I would not choose one over the other. I love being a duel sport athlete and demonstrating to women that you can still lift heavy and look good on the figure stage!

I never thought I’d be up on stage without starving myself and doing excessive cardio. I came form a place of unhealthy relationship with food, so it is a huge personal accomplishment to be able to step on stage and to do it the healthy way.

I really want to be a example of the fact that you can prep for a Figure Competition in a healthy way, and that you don’t have to go to extremes. I want to prove that you can still eat a healthy diet you don’t have to do all these crazy depletion methods.

Through achieving physical strength, I have also discovered an inner strength and determination that has enabled me to accomplish things I never thought possible. I believe that each person has more strength than they know, and can use it to make an impact in the world and the lives of others. Developing your mental, physical, and spiritual strength is a constant journey in life and one of the most rewarding.