In 2012, one year and two months after I had my fourth child I was at my highest and everyone, and I mean everyone, kept asking me if I was pregnant. My own family thought I was hiding a pregnancy. So I got serious with the help of my husband. I stuck to a strict 1200 calorie diet and moved around more, I dropped 30lbs in 3mths. The momentum stopped when I had severe pain in my abdomen on the left side. It became chronic enough that I saw a specialist and they found a 6cm ovarian cyst. To ease the chronic pain that would leave me doubled over I gained 5lbs back. November of 2012 I had surgery and they removed my left ovary and tube. Jan 2013 I was up to 196lbs. I could start again, I was healed and struggled. My husband fell off the wagon himself and I seemingly had no will power to do it on my own. (He got back on it around Spring time) By late Spring, early Summer I was ready to go full tilt. I was having issues with my legs (I'm a runner, I have depression and working out helps), so I began seeing a personal trainer in September as what I was doing, wasn't working. Fixed the leg issue and was getting a good regimen going. October 21st I found out I was pregnant (someone's surgery 2yrs ago didn't work), October 23 (the day I was to get a grouping of exercises I could do at home), I had to cancel as I was miscarrying.
I was heart broken and still am. My world fell apart. My eldest left home for greener pastures 3wks later. I couldn't take anymore and my depression was threatening to eat me alive. I watched my husband spend the last 9 months working out consistently on the Bowflex and looked amazing. The transformation was phenomenal. We bought an awesome home gym as I don't like working out on the Bowflex and he weighted out on it. I now know what a smith bar is. I needed something to work through the pain. I would run on the treadmill while crying at the same time. (I sometimes still do) I now work my body to exhaustion lifting weights so I don't have to think and keep myself grounded in the present.
After my miscarriage the reason to workout changed for me. Before it was because I was fat, ugly and miserable. Now it's because it makes me feel connected to myself. I feel alive, like I'm in the drivers seat of my body and not just along for the ride. I feel stronger. I crave that feeling and only lifting weights gives me that type of strength.