I am human..

When you look at this what do you see? I was cleaning up some old files on the computer and I came across this…..taken a little passed a year ago today. It stopped me in my tracks when I saw it. …….I don't remember myself like this. I can recall the exact moment I took this picture and the intent behind it. It wasn't just another self-righteous selfie. I am standing in a hotel room in Saskatoon where I had attended a gala the night before. I am sending my coach a check in photo looking for confirmation that my fall off the wagon into the hotel vending machine has not destroyed all my efforts over the last few months, I am looking for someone else's validation of my sense of worth, my beauty, because somewhere along the way I had lost it in this whole process, I am looking for someone... anyone to stop the voices in my head telling me 'I look AWFUL and will never be ready for the stage…." anyone??? When I look at this what do I see? I see someone who was surrounded by beauty but blinded by the hands of no one else but herself to see it, I see someone who was not living…..who forgot what it felt like to feel ALIVE….who forgot what it felt like to LIVE…….who forget what it felt like to be HUMAN…. When I look at this image what have I learned? I am grateful that I no longer define my worth by the number of lines in my abs or fibers in my shoulders, or sweeps in my quads but rather by the dirt under my nails, calluses on my hands and wrinkles on face from living, grinding and above all smiling like the HUMAN I am meant to be……. #moretolifethanthis #donotbecomeconsumed #learnfromme #realandraw

SHARE