read the full article on my blog listed below

FIRST REAL ATTEMPT AT A BLOG...... "Effort 5: I got medicated……why? Have you ever wanted to die but not kill yourself kind of die? Like I wouldn’t fantasize about ways of ending it, but how somedays it would just be easier to not wake up…like die in your sleep or something because you were exhausted from fighting an internal war that was kicking your *** every **** day. Somedays I wondered what would happen if I just checked out of life while I checked into a facility. Could I disappear for a while? What would that look like? Would I be risking my reputation? Would I be missed?…..would I be forgotten? I find it funny how people can easily respond ‘your life isn’t that bad’ or ‘it could be worse’ and of course both of those things are true by standards of third world countries. But just because I wasn’t living in poverty, being abused, waking up in a world war….did that mean that I had to suck up how I was feeling, pretend that I didn’t feel the pain, this numbness….fake it till I make it right? So I did it….I made the appointment, already in tears before my physician walked in and before she even could ask ‘how can I help you today’ I cried out.....” “i am tired: -of trying to make peace with a reflection that will always be in flux. -of poking and prodding my body with comparison to others. -of feeling so much disgust for pieces of my body that are naturally just part of it. -of being fixated and fearful of food -of punishing myself for not having even more self-discipline, self-restriction, self-sacrifice…..maybe then my body would respond in submission -of hating the skin I was in…but pretending I didn’t" The full article can be read at http://fidelityfitness.ca/blogs/post/intention #bereal #sharingiscaring #toiletreading #vulnerable #growingandglowing #breakingboundaries #chasinglife

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