I battled a 10 year eating disorder, beginning at age 15.

Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. I had been teased as a child for always being the tallest out of my class. And, I was never skinny; always a little thicker.

When I was about a sophomore in high school, I began restricting my food intake, eventually abusing laxatives and other diuretics.



I would spend my days starving, which led to an uncontrollable relationship with bulimia.



It started off as something that I thought wasn't a big deal. I thought I was 'in control'. Of course, my home life was not of any help. Living in an out of control environment- my parents finally separating from a 26 year marriage when I was 18. Until then, the relationship with my eating disorder & what 'went in & out of my body' made me feel that I was in control of something in my life.

Eventually, this relationship I had started became completely out of control & I felt as if 'I was in for life'. For years, I would binge and purge at least 10 times a day every day. Spending upwards of $50 a day on food.

It was completely out of control. I saw my 5'8" frame drop to 108lbs. Bones.... that was all I was. But, what I saw in the mirror was that girl who got picked on for being 'different'.

The eating disorder had become ME. I was a SLAVE to the rituals.



When I first began binging and purging, I would use a fork, gagging myself to help me purge the food I had eaten. Eventually, anything I ate would just come up. I could not keep food down.



Over the course of my 10 year 'life' with this disease, I began to see and feel the effects on my body. Heart Palpitations, extreme muscle cramping, swollen feet, loss of hair, teeth erosion. Not to mention the mental fatigue... I could not think clearly; even talk clearly. My moods were completely out of control. From 1 extreme to another. I had restricted myself from friends, family & all those important to me... even the one person who would eventually save my life.



I remember laying in bed at night thinking, "this is how I will die". "i will die within a few years and no one will ever have had a chance to help me"... I became comfortable & accepting of this.



A few years went by with my silence... It was a deep, dark secret. Finally, in 2010, in a heated discussion with my boyfriend of 4 years, I just said it.... "I have an eating disorder". He was (and is) my best friend- he had NO IDEA. The guilt plagued him and he promised me that he would get me help & my life would change... With his initiation and help, I sought out therapy and learned ways to cope with the eating disorder.



It was not easy!!! I'm still reminded, daily, of my eating disorder. However, I have many tools to control the thoughts and anxiety associated with it.

The hardest part, was getting used to & 'okay' with having food in my stomach.



The emotional & physical changes began happening over the course of the next few month. Going from a 108lb starving, sick, weak body, and QUICKLY gaining 40 lbs in about 5-6 months.

Until this time, my body was not used to food. My metabolism was not functioning correctly and storing everything I ate, which is why I gained so quickly.



With the help & partnership of my boyfriend, I began working out. This was the absolute BEST way for me to get out the anxiety I associated with my eating disorder. And, like the eating disorder, I began to see change in my body. Except this change was good.



About a year ago, in the summer of 2011, I started a 12 week trial "diet" with a noted fitness and competition coach- John Gorman. This is were I found a passion for fitness.

This helped me learn the proper way to eat, portion control, exercise, and most important, I became a MACHINE!!!



I began to track my success thru photos. This was amazing to me- to see my changes!!



Physical AND mental changes!!! They say: 'Life isn't always greener on the other side".... Well, in this case- "Life IS greener on the other side of an eating disorder".

For the first time I can actually say that I AM HAPPY. I can LIVE my life. I can be ME. I've never felt this before.



I'm always one to push the limits. So, in 2012, I decided to take it further and prep for my first bikini figure competition.

Since May of 2012, I've competed in 3 shows with 2 more to come for 2012.

I constantly set goals for myself, pushing my body and mind further. Staying focused on success & my future.



I'm very motivated to become the absolute best I can be and go far in the fitness industry. In addition to fitness competing, I am looking into all avenues to be an advocate for those dealing with an eating disorder.

Unfortunately, eating disorders are not spoken about like they should be. Young girls do not have any kind of outlet & it is very scary.


I've only just begun and have many plans for the future!

I freaken LOVE working out and competition because it keeps me motivated and focused on a goal. Nothing is better than transforming your mind AND body. I'm competitive, and always trying to push myself harder.

I love inspiring others to become a better person, both physically & mentally, thru working out.