Bodybuilding - I ain't sure, I don't even lift - atleast for the time being.
But isn't exercising a form of bodybuilding?
Anyway, I just want to be happy; I have struggled a lot in my life and with living.
I think I would have killed myself a long time back if I were really a quitter.
I wouldn't say that the thoughts don't come back again and again - like for when I'm struggling with my sickness and pain; like when I have to live as a dalit for being gay, or for being ridiculously lonely, or for.. the list is really long.

I just want to be happy with myself and I do not want to remain in a body that makes me sad, I don't know if I'll be able to change, I'm not trying my best, I err, I'm weak and susceptible to small joys that I love to grasp but which to nothing.

I want to change myself for the better.

I do not want to be sad - anymore.

Because I feel stronger, better, healthier, de-stressed and it sort of expunges, expels the negativity in me.