I was depressed my whole life, my up bringing wasn't fair at all, very traumatizing, and unhealthy. Both my birth we/are alcoholics and drug users. They didn't raise us to be aware of our bodys and minds, because they were too young to even know/learn for themselves. Being an emotionally/physically abused child, i turned to food to help me feel better.. It always did in the begging. In high school i was always bigger then the other girls, i started drinking when i was 11 years old, i got myself into a lot of trouble and i was grounded most of the time. While i was grounded i would eat a lot, because of feeling like i was missing out on being a teenager... This happened up until i was 17, then i ran away from home, because of not being aloud to do anything. I then started to do lots of drugs, and drank as much as i possibly could... i was defiantly the black out queen in my town. I did a lot of stupid things that i didn't remember... And i was eating a lot of nasty things i wouldn't remember eating aswell. It happened all the time, when i couldn't remember what i did, and felt really horrible after. Finally it hit me, i didn't want to be a depressed ashamed alcoholic like my parents were. I had to re-think and re-do everything in my life. I would still hang out with all my "drinking friends" but i wouldn't drink, and i started to realize how much of a problem i was having, lots of anxiety and feeling insecure about myself, and i knew thats why i drank in the first place. To make myself believe i was having fun. When i finally stopped hanging out with my drunk friends, because i had to, I started to isolate myself from everyone, because where i'm from there's not much to do besides party. I started to become more in-tune with my body. felling what is good for me and what isn't. I started dancing a lot in my room, and lifting weights, really lightly, because i didn't look up how i was supposed to do anything. It made me feel a lot better, i just wish i didn't spend so much time on my abs, because back then i didn't understand that you can't burn fat in one place. And i probably over did it. Once i became more aware of what i wanted, i started going to the gym. And I felt pretty uncomfortable, because i didn't like the way i looked in the mirror, and of course, there was mirrors every where. The hardest part out of all this is, figuring out who i am. Because before i let a bottle of liquid do the talking. Now everyone i knew before, thought i was always exited and enthusiastic. Some people i didn't even remember meeting thought i was "the ****", and i felt so freaked out about it because i felt like i didn't even know who i was at all. Anyways i'm still working out, eating healthy, and really listening to what my body wants. I have probably 1/8th of the friends i used to have, but i know they really love me for who i am and not what something else made me be. I love working out because it makes me feel like a person, it give me my own high, i high that is real, and a high that lasts.

I love working out because of how it makes me feel afterwards, like i've accomplished something healthy, and i am further in my life in a positive way. It makes me feel exited about the future. I love taking care of my body, physically its a lot of work, emotionally to, especially if you were abused like i was. It reminds me Why i don't want to end up like how i know i could have. I love it because it's real.