Christian (aka XN)

Male

38

Graphic Artist, Head Bodybuilder Coach for The Next Level: Team-Based Competitive Bodybuilding program, head coordinator for the PhysiQulture Collaborative

Nov, 1992

When I was young, back before 1992, I was living my life "for the neck up." There was only one reason my body was important to me: it was a way to bring pleasure to my brain. By the time I turned 21, my life was hitting a horrible, depressing, self-destructive and addictive low point. It was either look at things honestly, or end it. With help from several very profound mentors, I began transforming my sense of self-care. Soon, with that change in attitude, I began learning that the body has a will and intention of it's own. Regardless of what my brain wanted, my body had needs beyond just "feeling good". My body was my responsibility, and what I did with it would be the difference between living a joyful life, or just running around trying to always have "a good time". Joy is permanent, pleasure is temporary -- I needed to start living with a joy for my body. Through this learning process, I soon realized that exploring my body's abilities was going to be vital for maintaining my self of self-respect, self-appreciation, and dignity. I needed to look beyond mere health and fitness; I also needed to look at abilities like my sense of personal strength, growth, healing, power, and so on. Looking at these aspects of who i am helped me not slide back into my old, crazy, destructive ways. And looking soon turned into action -- and I was led into the gym . . . In the end, you could say that what got me started in bodybuilding was a change of heart. If I didn't take the path of difficult, rigorous honesty and self-care, I probably wouldn't be here to take any path at all.

Look, I always hated all you muscle guys. I had nothing but insults to sling at you muscleheads, gym jocks, cocky bastards, nightclub prettyboys, gym rats and all the rest . . . all I knew how to do was mock that which was foreign to me. yeah -- I was a real little bitch. But that resentment I had was (is?) actually all about something else. It is not the bodybuilders and athletes who I get angry with -- it is something in ME that needs adjusting. Working my body helps me explore what those resentments, jealousies, and my impatience for others might all be about. So, I love the surface results, but it is the self-discoveries I keep making on the journey that really hold the most joy for me. Seriously. No joke.

if I was poor-sighted, I would need glasses to see clearly. And it would HAVE to be EVERY day -- I couldn't just pick and choose which days I "felt like'" wearing my glasses. I would need to put them on every day to see my world clearly. Self-care is the same way. And seeing how bodybuilding has so many self-care tools within it, I would be a fool to not pick them up EVERY day. It is simple.

Using my work to help others reduce suffering in their life. Period. It would cheapen the accomplishment to boast about the details. Ask those around me for details.

Tune in to The Big Inside! It's the show that turns the big world of bodybuilding inside out! Podcasting at www.thebiginside.com, or search for us in the iTunes Store! Listen LIVE (and CALL IN to be ON THE SHOW) Monday evenings at 5:00pm EST on 1510thezone.com! Tune in to the hardest physical challenge you can have while using only your ears!