Last Visit: Today, 12:07am Last Forum Post: Jan 23, 2009 10:34am Last Photo Upload: Nov 5, 2009 11:06am Last Profile Update: Today, 12:02am Last Blog Post: Oct 21, 2009 9:37pm
Overall Goal: "Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing."
~ Vince Lombardi
Fit Status:
I said I was going to be in the best shape of my life about now and I am. End of story.
You may not know this about me, but I was conceived through artificial insemination.
Yes, the doctor sopped up some semen from a test tube via the old turkey baster, shoved it into my mom's tutu and gave it a squeeze.
At any rate, while I was hanging out in the squeezy part of the turkey baster with the other sperm cells, I noticed that my little wiggly tail was small and lacked definition. I vowed then and there that if I was the lucky sperm to hit the egg, I would spend my lifetime working out so that I would never feel inadequate again.
As fate would have it, I was the lucky sperm (Back then I was known as Herm the Sperm) and I started doing calisthenics while I was in the womb.
When I was born and the doctor slapped me I said "You do that again, and I'll tear your f-cking head off."
The rest was history. True story.
That would be a great practical joke if the doctor brought home the turkey baster and gave it to his wife to use in the kitchen. Wouldn't that be a real knee slapper?
Why I Love It:
When I'm adjusting the weights. There's something about putting that big solid Olympic bar through the hole in the plates that makes me feel all frisky. Maybe it's subliminal.
How I Stay Motivated:
Before I go to the gym, I am my own cheerleader. In fact, I dress up in a cheerleader costume with pom-poms and everything and do a whole Rah Rah "Go Herm go" thing. Then after that, I dress up as a nurse and give myself an enema with Bosco chocolate syrup, and then I dress up as Madam Butterfly and pinch my nipples real hard with a pair of chopsticks. Then I change into my usual gym clothes and I'm ready and rarin'to go! Charge!
BB Accomplishments:
I've taught a lot of men how to get in touch with their feminine sides. When they see me shirtless in the locker room all pumped and veiny and glistening with sweat, and then look at themselves, they begin to cry like little girls. I always offer them a Kleenex to dry their eyes and they are thankful; but when they see it is not a Kleenex, but in fact a piece of used toilet paper, they get all pissed. I swear, People need to lighten up.
Forum Signature:
I am my competition. Failure is not an option. There is no easy way.
HermTheWorm updated Fit Status "I said I was going to be in the best shape of my life about now and I am. End of story." - 9:25 pm - Comment
HermTheWorm updated Fit Status "Isaid I was going to be in the best shape of my life about now and I am. End of story." - 9:24 pm - Comment
HermTheWorm updated Fit Status "I just want to be a beautiful person inside and out, is that too much to ask?" - 8:43 pm - Comment
HermTheWorm updated Fit Status "I just want to be a beuatiful person inside and out, is that too much to ask?" - 8:42 pm - Comment
HermTheWorm updated Fit Status "Herm, why don't you use photoshop to enhance your body and face? All the fitness models do. Why? Because I don't f-cking have to. " - 8:39 pm - Comment
"Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing."
~ Vince Lombardi
Goal (Long):
To become Jew of the Month.
Weight Goal:
I want to GAIN 756 lb
Bodyfat Goal:
99%
Upcoming Contest:
Jew of the Month
Last Updated: Nov 1, 2009 3:41pm
Members That Inspire HermTheWorm:
HermTheWorm does not have inspirational members yet.
Description: Can a 48 year old Jew be too sexy? Apparently.
New Project 11
Played: 380
Description: Trying on my custom made chef's jackets for my cooking show coming to Youtube, BB.com and local cable this fall.
Hey girls, this is for you!
Played: 345
Description: I am available for Bachelorette parties, sweet sixteens, bat mitzvahs, funerals, circumcisions and hot one on ones...And yes, I can twist my ding ding dong into funny animal shapes on request. S&M, bondage and dominance and water sports also available. My satisfaction rate is high and my morals are low. PM me. More filthy PMs will get booking priority over less filthy PMs. Act now, this is a limited time offer.
I saw you mentioned chia seeds to Kimberly. I've been using them for about a year or so now. I boil them with raw honey, a pinch of salt and enough water that it remains a liquid (it actually becomes a gelatin). Let it come back to room temperature and I use it as an energy drink on long runs.
YOU are looking awesome. But to be fair, I've seen The Rock looking better than that photo. C'mon Herm, you still win hands down.....no need to bush sit my friend. :D (BTW, you already look photo shoot ready)
I just stop by your page for see your new progress pic....what an adventure to try reading all tha stuff you put on your progress collection...Lol....great sens of humor....dont stop Herm its always fun to read your adventure.....
You may have tried this already, but if you haven't PLEASE try it and let me know what you thought of it. Take a Ryvita cracker, spread raw honey on it, then spread ghee on top of the honey. That is what I imagine heaven tastes like.
Anyone else I would call them a slacker and say that is a lame excuse. However, I have witnessed your OCD first hand and believe that you speak the truth.
