Last Visit: Today, 1:05am Last Forum Post: Jan 23, 2009 10:34am Last Photo Upload: Oct 14, 2009 8:39pm Last Profile Update: Yesterday, 3:06pm Last Blog Post: Nov 17, 2009 9:10pm
Overall Goal: My next fitness goal is to actually become maniacally FIT. Running up and down 7 miles of hills, starting to box again, Kettle balls, do both the Navy seals and the (Can you believe it?) New York City ballet workouts while continuing to lift weights
Fit Status:
I am the Pete Rose of Bodybuilding. I may not have the most natural talent, I will will outwork any mothef-cker out there.
You may not know this about me, but I was conceived through artificial insemination.
Yes, the doctor sopped up some semen from a test tube via the old turkey baster, shoved it into my mom's tutu and gave it a squeeze.
At any rate, while I was hanging out in the squeezy part of the turkey baster with the other sperm cells, I noticed that my little wiggly tail was small and lacked definition. I vowed then and there that if I was the lucky sperm to hit the egg, I would spend my lifetime working out so that I would never feel inadequate again.
As fate would have it, I was the lucky sperm (Back then I was known as Herm the Sperm) and I started doing calisthenics while I was in the womb.
When I was born and the doctor slapped me I said "You do that again, and I'll tear your f-cking head off."
The rest was history. True story.
That would be a great practical joke if the doctor brought home the turkey baster and gave it to his wife to use in the kitchen. Wouldn't that be a real knee slapper?
Why I Love It:
When I'm adjusting the weights. There's something about putting that big solid Olympic bar through the hole in the plates that makes me feel all frisky. Maybe it's subliminal.
How I Stay Motivated:
Before I go to the gym, I am my own cheerleader. In fact, I dress up in a cheerleader costume with pom-poms and everything and do a whole Rah Rah "Go Herm go" thing. Then after that, I dress up as a nurse and give myself an enema with Bosco chocolate syrup, and then I dress up as Madam Butterfly and pinch my nipples real hard with a pair of chopsticks. Then I change into my usual gym clothes and I'm ready and rarin'to go! Charge!
BB Accomplishments:
I've taught a lot of men how to get in touch with their feminine sides. When they see me shirtless in the locker room all pumped and veiny and glistening with sweat, and then look at themselves, they begin to cry like little girls. I always offer them a Kleenex to dry their eyes and they are thankful; but when they see it is not a Kleenex, but in fact a piece of used toilet paper, they get all pissed. I swear, People need to lighten up.
Forum Signature:
I am my competition. Failure is not an option. There is no easy way.
HermTheWormupdated Fit Status "I am the Pete Rose of Bodybuilding. I may not have the most natural talent, I will will outwork any mothef-cker out there."
1985, my foot! This is 1979. Here I am, disco dude, more like disco dud. Sunken chest, and skinny guys belly--still thought I had it going on. For God's sake Hermie, do something about that pathetic patch of chest hair, either get rid of it or go whole hog and get an Austin Powers Chest toupee (and ...
My next fitness goal is to actually become maniacally FIT. Running up and down 7 miles of hills, starting to box again, Kettle balls, do both the Navy seals and the (Can you believe it?) New York City ballet workouts while continuing to lift weights
Goal (Long):
To become Jew of the Month.
Weight Goal:
I want to GAIN 756 lb
Bodyfat Goal:
99%
Upcoming Contest:
Jew of the Month
Last Updated: Nov 23, 2009 8:06am
Members That Inspire HermTheWorm:
HermTheWorm does not have inspirational members yet.
Description: Can a 48 year old Jew be too sexy? Apparently.
New Project 11
Played: 401
Description: Trying on my custom made chef's jackets for my cooking show coming to Youtube, BB.com and local cable this fall.
Hey girls, this is for you!
Played: 396
Description: I am available for Bachelorette parties, sweet sixteens, bat mitzvahs, funerals, circumcisions and hot one on ones...And yes, I can twist my ding ding dong into funny animal shapes on request. S&M, bondage and dominance and water sports also available. My satisfaction rate is high and my morals are low. PM me. More filthy PMs will get booking priority over less filthy PMs. Act now, this is a limited time offer.
Thank you. Nope, you are THE man to listen to when it comes to food. Are you feeling relieve, happy, relaxed, carefree now that you sent in your photos and essay for the contest?
WOW im so jealous. I studied at the Art Institute of Colorado for culinary arts and while it was fun i think the education left a lot to be desired. you've definitely got great credentials and all the right ones to make this cooking show a success. who know maybe the food network will give you a contract?? you're heavenly just to look at so keep the skirt off ;-)
I'm a canuck my dear so I've had my feast though the holiday season is fast approaching again. I managed to make it through last year with a minor dessert hangover but nothing too serious. This year will be the same! :)
What do you replace flour with? I have a great recipe for a chicken chili..it only calls for 2 TBsp flour (I have used wheat flour) but I always want to drop it out of the recipe all together.
No, they get offended and crap like that. Seriously...I grew up in a family that cooks. They come from a family that caters. LOL. :) Oh well..luckily he booked it an hour before nap time, so our time there will be limited....
And they should kiss it. It all sounds sooo yum! What my FIL orders in is full of fat, so I will avoid it. The sweet pot are candied, so I am left with turkey and green beans. And...he won't let me bring anything. Grrr.... OH well, we will only be there a couple hrs. Then home to my food. ;)
Hey Herm, totally humbled that I could provide inspiration - so appreciate your words! Given your success with your lifts - it's gonna be a great ride to see were you take your boxing and fitness. You are one crazy beast and thanks for all your motivation and mateship - it means alot to me.
I am going to the in-laws. NO cooking involved. My parents are going to Chicago to see my parents. My FIL orders in the food...I have TRIED to offer to bring something (healthy), but he says it is all taken care of. So, I will be ONLY eating green beans and turkey. Nothing else. Then we are going to our hunting cabin fri-sun. Friends are joining us so it will be fun. :) You are cooking right? What's on the menu?
Had a dream last night and you were in it. I can't remember for the life of me what it was about or why in the world you would be in it. You're not practicing to take over Freddy Krueger's job or something are you? Happy training!
